Here’s my latest installment of my relationship advice to couples. I’ve been studying for the past 5 years to be an engineer which is why theoretical stuff makes sense to me. I’d like to think that there’s a reason for everything. So I’ve finally put into words a theory that I’ve had for several years now. This theory has been developed through my own experiences in faulty relationships as well as the experiences of others who’ve thought enough of me to confide in me. This theory shall be called the “Top-Down Theory”.
Now most theories (and theorems) seem incredibly simple once you think about them, but their truths are pretty powerful. This one is no different. The whole concept of it is based on simple human anatomy. These next words you read are my attempt to fully explain my “Top-Down Theory”, but keep in mind that like all theories, this theory has a very rate of high accuracy, but there are special cases where it doesn’t apply. So without any further ado, here is my “Top-Down Theory”.
This theory consists of 4 areas of the body. Here they are in their respective order: the head, the eyes, the heart, and the genital region.
According to my theory, this is the order in which all solid, lasting relationships must be formed, and if the final step comes anywhere but last, the relationship is destined to fail. You must start from the top and go down; thus the name “Top-Down Theory”.
Let’s start with the head. This is the time when two people meet, and they get to know one another. One thing that one must avoid though is falling for the other person’s representative (which will be the topic of my next discussion). Many times the person that you first meet isn’t the same person that you see 8 months from then. So it’s wise to give that person a good amount of time to reveal their true self to you. By that time, you should know whether or not you two actually have things in common.
Once this is established, the next step in the sequence is the eyes. This is the time when you two make sure that you see eye to eye on things. For instance, it is important to have a crystal clear understanding of what both parties are looking for from the relationship. Because you’d hate to have one person looking for a spouse and the other person is only seeking a quick fling or casual date.
Once the two people see eye to eye, it’s now time for the heart to come into play. If it’s been decided that a long-term relationship is being sought by both parties, it’s okay to slowly (and I stress slowly) open up your heart. On the other hand, if you two came to a conclusion that a serious relationship was not what you wanted, now is the time to make sure that your heart doesn’t get caught up in it. You have to protect yourself. (By the way, anything other than two definite YES’s when it comes to seeking a serious relationship is a NO. If you get one definite YES and one “maybe possibly down the road” then that’s a definite NO. The only way you allow your feelings to get in it is if you have a DEFINITE agreement on what it is that you both want).
And the final step is pretty intuitive. This is where the genital regions come into play. This is a two-part process. The first step calls for you both making perfectly sure that you’re (to use a line from “She’s Your Queen to Be” on Coming to America) “completely free from infection”. If one comes up as an undesirable, then you’ve got some decisions to make. Do you go back to the head and figure out what you want to do or do you resort back to the heart step and go with your feelings? That’s on you. But remember that it’s YOUR health.
But in a best case scenario when everybody comes up clean, by all means, HAVE AT IT. And just doing it isn’t good enough. You have to make sure that it’s good. So make it a point to come to an agreement on what is and isn’t allowed. For example, if you’re a man who likes to get rough, you better make sure your girl is alright with you slapping her backside before you do it. Otherwise, you may get smacked back. By the same token, if you’re a woman that’s into domination, don’t crack out the whips until you know it’s alright with your man.
Making love is an adult act, so the two people should be grown-up enough to talk about it openly with one another. Don’t EVER think that your love is so strong that it can overcome bad or average sex. Don’t EVER think that. And make sure you come to some kind of compromise with each other, because PLEASE BELIEVE that what you’re not willing to do, someone else is. And that temptation is ALWAYS there. So the genital region shouldn’t be seen as a final destination, but rather the completion of a project that requires continuous improvement (that’s the engineer in me talking). Once you get to that point, you have to make sure that you continually find ways to improve all of the steps if necessary.
So to prove my theory, I’ll give you a couple of likely scenarios of what happens when these steps are done out of order.
In today’s society (let’s be real here), most relationships begin in the genital region. People meet where ever they meet, talk a few times, get to know each other and then it’s straight to the bed (or the back seat). If it’s good, they keep on going and along the way they catch feelings. That takes them to the heart. And by the time they get up to the eyes, they understand that they have absolutely NOTHING in common, and then the arguments and fighting ensue. And then it’s “curtains” for that relationship.
Another example is when people start at the heart and try to work their way around. They’re in love with the idea of being in love so they look for anything and anyone to call their own. They force themselves to believe that they have the head and eyes steps taken care of. But what they’re really doing is turning a blind eye to flaws JUST so they can have someone. This normally ends up with them proclaiming their love for one another within the first month or so. And then the genital area step comes about. This only worsens the effect of the HORRIBLE decision to put the heart step first. They claim that the love is strong just because the sex is good. But eventually, the lack of solid head and heart steps catch up with you. Arguments and fighting ensue, and the relationship usually ends unceremoniously.
I don’t want to close this without first acknowledging the fact that this theory has a small failure rate. In some cases, successful relationships (and even marriages) come about while going out of order with these steps. But let’s not get carried away. If you take the chance of going that route (especially trying to go Bottom-Up), it’s like playing the crap table in Vegas. Oh, you’ll win if you’re lucky, but the odds are stacked strongly against you.
So in closing, there are a few instances where successful relationships come about from using methods other than the “Top-Down Theory”. But this method is just about fail safe. If you want to protect yourself and build a strong solid foundation and have a good chance of being in a lasting and meaningful relationship, the “Top-Down Theory” is definitely the way to go.
44 minutes ago