Forgot About Dre'

Marshall Mathers said it best:
"Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say
But nothin comes out when they move they lips
Just a buncha gibberish
And muthaf*ckas act like they forgot about Dre"

I mean, seriously, these NFL talking heads are killing me. Clearly, they forgot about this, this, and this.

You've got 3 years of tape on the guy playing against some of the best defensive ends in the country and he's dominated since the day he stepped on campus at the age of 18. During that span, he only missed 3 games (2 due to injury and 1 due to suspension). Other than that, this guy's been a model citizen. And last season, he gave up ONE sack all season. The eye in the sky does not lie. Mark my words. Despite how much heat he's taken over the past couple of days, 10 years from now, Andre Smith will be the cream of the crop of this year's offensive linemen.

Keep Me Covered

When I was a kid, I admit. I was afraid of the dark. I remember having 3 nightmares on the same night about one Fred Kruger. I would wake up petrified, only to return to my slumber to find him again. Every time I'd wake up to a room full of darkness, though, I'd go to my one hiding place where I knew that neither Mr. Kruger or anyone else could harm me....underneath my cover.

As much as we like to complicate life, it's really quite simple. When someone gives you his or her trust, they expect you to be their covering; to protect them from other forms of Freddie Krugers (i.e. personal attacks, spiritual attacks, public shame, etc.).

There's a passage in the 9th chapter of Genesis that is often overlooked concerning this very issue. Long story short, after the storm had come, Noah, for whatever reason, went into his tent to elevate his mind by means of a strong drink. During his stupor, he ended up naked. And as most of you who have ever been wasted to that point can attest to, Noah somehow wound up naked. Ham, his youngest son, saw him drunk and naked. He, then went to tell his two older brothers what he'd seen. The two older brothers then, without ever looking at their father this way, draped a garment over their sholders, backed toward their father and covered him. Of course, when Noah came down from this elevated state, he was furious to find out that anyone had seen him this way. When he found out that Ham was the one that found him that way and put him on blast, he cursed Ham's entire lineage and declared that they would forever more be the servants of the lineages of Ham's two older brothers.

Okay..that's the meat of it. Several points to make that ties in to what I'm getting at with this entry. First.. yes, Noah was drunk & naked. But the caveat is that he was drunk and naked IN HIS OWN TENT. What kind of world do we live in where and man can't be drunk & naked in his own tent?!?! :-) In all seriousness, though, being drunk & naked is one of the most vulnerable physical states that one can be in. Often times, many of the problems that we deal with (depression, unwillingness to forgive, past hurt, desires in which we indulge in the dark but wouldn't dare do in the light, etc.) are often dealt with when we are alone. These are parts of us that we don't want anyone to see, which leads me to my next point.

Ham was the one person that did see his father in such a vulnerable state. Instead of pretending to be Larry King or Wolf Blitzer, he could have easily covered him or covered the opening to his tent, to ensure that no one else saw him that way. This is often times how we lose the trust of those who we have been so privileged to have had the trust of. In relationships, (business, marriage, intimate, platonic, or otherwise) you're trusted to cover your partner. When you don't cover your partner, nothing good ever comes out of it.

In business, if you have a partner who's not that good with the finances, and you broadcast that to the world, not only does it hurt your partner, but it hurts you too. The very person that you shared this information with could be your next client, and end up robbing your business blind because of that inside information that you shared with them.

In a marriage, if your husband is not living up to your expectations, and you share this information with a male or female companion, you've just opened the doors of your marriage to temptation & chaos. Whoever you shared this information with can use it to their advantage. If you told a male friend about it, he'll go out of his way to be everything that your husband's not, and when the opportunity presents itself, you're in a compromising situation. Same thing will happen with your husband if you shared that information with a female friend. For example, if you say that all your husband is good for is sex. Your friend may be dying inside to have a healthy sexual relationship, and just might all of a sudden have a budding attraction to your husband. Again, when the opportunity presents itself, a compromising situation ensues. And not to mention that the most important person in all of this is the husband. If these words get back to him, he's left feeling that he's an inadequate provider, confidant, help-mate, and friend. He's reduced to being only good for sex. And all this comes from not covering who you are supposed to cover. This leads me to my next point which deals with the results.

In Ham's case, not only was he scolded, but his son's entire lineage was cursed to be servants of his brothers' lineage. That's some pretty strong stuff. In our cases, however, a wide range of results can be expected, from minor to major and from short term to long term.

For example, take the guy who was dating his dream girl only to hear a rumor that she had AIDS, and without asking her about the validity of these statements, his distances himself from her until their relationship eventually dissolves. She tried and tried to see what the problem was, but he swore her off. 20 years later, she's as healthy as can be and happily married, and he's on his 3rd marriage because he struggles with his decision to not cover her when personal attacks came. Because of these struggles, he searches for her traits in every woman that he's been with since her only to come up with empty hopes and frustrations. And in reality, she was the one that God had ordained for him. He squandered this away by not covering her.

Example #2 shows us the guy who was working for a very profitable small business and had hopes of one day moving up the corporate ladder. The CEO of the company had taken him under his wing as soon as he began working there because he saw a lot of himself in him. After only being with the company for 4 years, the guy started hearing rumors that the CEO was about to step down because he had been caught up in a sex scandal with one of his secretaries. The guy quits the company because he doesn't want to be part of a sinking ship. He runs into his former CEO about 6 months later and in an awkward exchange, he learns that there was no sex scandal. The CEO was indeed going to retire, but it was to turn the reigns of the company over to him.

These two examples are situations where allegations turned out to be false, and the people who failed to cover ended up regretting it in the long haul. But what about if the allegations were true? The true test of someone who's supposed to be a covering comes when the situations are not rumor or thought, but indeed facts. When Ham told his older brothers that he had seen his father drunk & naked, they probably thought to themselves, "Yes, that may be so. But he's still our father. And I'd much rather never see him this way." So instead of viewing their father as a weak man, they honored him by covering him so that no one could know their father that way. We have to be the same way in our dealings with those that we are close to. If I know that a good friend of mine who's a public figure is battling a gambling addiction, it is my place to cover him until I can encourage him to face those demons head on. It's the same situation if I have a friend that's battling depression, drug addiction, domestic violence, closet homosexuality, suicidal thoughts, financial hardships, marital problems, etc.

In closing, let us be mindful of how our words and conversations can be harmful, not only to others, but to ourselves in some instances. If someone thinks enough of you to allow you into their inner place of insecurities, shortcomings, and flat out mistakes, know that you are charged with the responsibility of keeping them covered.

Eddie Murphy on SNL as Jesse Jackson

Absolutely some of the funniest material I've ever seen. It reminds me so much of my youth. Enjoy.

I've Changed

It's been quite a while since I updated this blog, but I'll try to update it more frequently now with album reviews, sports insights, and just overall general advice.
I will say this, though. While some of my prior work may have been entertaining (and I was quite amused myself after reading over all of that old stuff), quite a bit has changed since I last updated the blog. I'm married now. I'm a professional working for a large corporation (not necessarily a sell-out. Just part of the bigger plan). I have a stronger relationship with God. AND my daughter's a little older now. So I'm kind of censoring myself. But hey, you'll always have the archives.

Give Me Education or Give Me Death

Recently, my good friend, Abigail, and I were having an in-depth discussion about the relationship between education, economics, and health. These three are all intertwined and as I go on in this piece, I’ll give full details of how they’re all related. Abigail just graduated with her Master’s Degree in Health, Exercise Science, and Recreation Management from the University of Mississippi (Congrats Abz!!), so she knows more than me in the health part. But everything else comes from pure observation. So I’m gonna call this piece, “Give Me Education, or Give Me Death”.
First I’ll discuss the tie between health and economics. You ever notice how much more expensive it is to buy fresh fruit than it is to buy a candy bar? I would often wonder that question aloud to no one in particular. One day while I was in the grocery store, a wise woman overheard me and gave a fitting response. She said, “Because junk is cheap.” And then it all made sense. For whatever reason, even when you’re buying a generic brand, most (if not all) foods that are healthy for you are significantly more expensive than those foods that you really don’t need. So as a result, those of us who are living on a budget are more likely to buy Ramen noodles (WAY too much starch and cholesterol) and Spam (YUCK) in bulk that will last us for a month, for the same price as we would pay for lean cut meat and fresh fruits and vegetables that will last us a week at best. And the foods that should serve as periodic indulgences (such as candy, cookies, cakes, potato chips, etc) become part of our every day diet, which leads to long term health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, etc. So even if we WANTED to eat healthier, most of us can’t afford to. This is a problem.
Now is the tie between education and economics. I’m well aware of the counter argument that people spend huge amounts of money on other things that they really don’t need (such as expensive clothes) and if they were so concerned about their health, they’d splurge on healthier dieting. That’s true. But how many people have been properly educated on what a healthy diet is? For that matter, how many people are educated enough to have jobs that pay well enough for them to afford these overpriced healthy foods?
Mississippi and Alabama (Abigail’s and my states, respectively) are very near the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to education. They’re two of the worst public education systems in the country (check the statistics for yourself). Which ties right into…
The tie between education and health: Not so surprisingly, while Mississippi and Alabama are scraping the barrel bottom in education, we’re the cream of the crop when it comes to obesity. I’m a complete adversary of making generalizations and blanket statements, but the numbers don’t lie. For the past few years that this study has been done, Alabama and Mississippi are near the top. So what does one have to do with the other? I’m so glad you asked, because that question leads me to the tie between all three.
The poor education systems in these two Dixie states are a direct link to the high poverty levels. One doesn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that in today’s society, it is incredibly difficult to advance in any field without sufficient education. Little to no wages leaves the impoverished at a disadvantage as they’re not eating for long term health. They’re eating to survive from day to day. When you’re eating just so you won’t starve to death, it doesn’t matter what you’re eating. And in most cases, they have to eat the cheapest thing(s) they can find. So they get fried and processed foods. That leads directly to health problems of all sorts, with obesity being the primary one. And obesity leads to low self-esteem and all sorts of other health issues that I can’t even begin to get into because I don’t have all the details. But I WILL close with this…
It is imperative that we do a better job of educating ourselves and our children on the importance of proper dieting and exercise. Not only that, but we should also make better efforts to manage our income more sufficiently (i.e. spend frugally, open mutual funds, invest in real estate, etc.) to prevent falling victim to this plague of poverty that leads to all of the aforementioned problems. In any event, I beg you to just EDUCATE YOURSELF. And when you do, put it into action, because as old SOUTHern women like to say, “If you know better, you’re supposed to do better”. Give yourself education, or give yourself death.

The Top-Down Theory

Here’s my latest installment of my relationship advice to couples. I’ve been studying for the past 5 years to be an engineer which is why theoretical stuff makes sense to me. I’d like to think that there’s a reason for everything. So I’ve finally put into words a theory that I’ve had for several years now. This theory has been developed through my own experiences in faulty relationships as well as the experiences of others who’ve thought enough of me to confide in me. This theory shall be called the “Top-Down Theory”.
Now most theories (and theorems) seem incredibly simple once you think about them, but their truths are pretty powerful. This one is no different. The whole concept of it is based on simple human anatomy. These next words you read are my attempt to fully explain my “Top-Down Theory”, but keep in mind that like all theories, this theory has a very rate of high accuracy, but there are special cases where it doesn’t apply. So without any further ado, here is my “Top-Down Theory”.

This theory consists of 4 areas of the body. Here they are in their respective order: the head, the eyes, the heart, and the genital region.
According to my theory, this is the order in which all solid, lasting relationships must be formed, and if the final step comes anywhere but last, the relationship is destined to fail. You must start from the top and go down; thus the name “Top-Down Theory”.

Let’s start with the head. This is the time when two people meet, and they get to know one another. One thing that one must avoid though is falling for the other person’s representative (which will be the topic of my next discussion). Many times the person that you first meet isn’t the same person that you see 8 months from then. So it’s wise to give that person a good amount of time to reveal their true self to you. By that time, you should know whether or not you two actually have things in common.

Once this is established, the next step in the sequence is the eyes. This is the time when you two make sure that you see eye to eye on things. For instance, it is important to have a crystal clear understanding of what both parties are looking for from the relationship. Because you’d hate to have one person looking for a spouse and the other person is only seeking a quick fling or casual date.

Once the two people see eye to eye, it’s now time for the heart to come into play. If it’s been decided that a long-term relationship is being sought by both parties, it’s okay to slowly (and I stress slowly) open up your heart. On the other hand, if you two came to a conclusion that a serious relationship was not what you wanted, now is the time to make sure that your heart doesn’t get caught up in it. You have to protect yourself. (By the way, anything other than two definite YES’s when it comes to seeking a serious relationship is a NO. If you get one definite YES and one “maybe possibly down the road” then that’s a definite NO. The only way you allow your feelings to get in it is if you have a DEFINITE agreement on what it is that you both want).

And the final step is pretty intuitive. This is where the genital regions come into play. This is a two-part process. The first step calls for you both making perfectly sure that you’re (to use a line from “She’s Your Queen to Be” on Coming to America) “completely free from infection”. If one comes up as an undesirable, then you’ve got some decisions to make. Do you go back to the head and figure out what you want to do or do you resort back to the heart step and go with your feelings? That’s on you. But remember that it’s YOUR health.
But in a best case scenario when everybody comes up clean, by all means, HAVE AT IT. And just doing it isn’t good enough. You have to make sure that it’s good. So make it a point to come to an agreement on what is and isn’t allowed. For example, if you’re a man who likes to get rough, you better make sure your girl is alright with you slapping her backside before you do it. Otherwise, you may get smacked back. By the same token, if you’re a woman that’s into domination, don’t crack out the whips until you know it’s alright with your man.
Making love is an adult act, so the two people should be grown-up enough to talk about it openly with one another. Don’t EVER think that your love is so strong that it can overcome bad or average sex. Don’t EVER think that. And make sure you come to some kind of compromise with each other, because PLEASE BELIEVE that what you’re not willing to do, someone else is. And that temptation is ALWAYS there. So the genital region shouldn’t be seen as a final destination, but rather the completion of a project that requires continuous improvement (that’s the engineer in me talking). Once you get to that point, you have to make sure that you continually find ways to improve all of the steps if necessary.

So to prove my theory, I’ll give you a couple of likely scenarios of what happens when these steps are done out of order.
In today’s society (let’s be real here), most relationships begin in the genital region. People meet where ever they meet, talk a few times, get to know each other and then it’s straight to the bed (or the back seat). If it’s good, they keep on going and along the way they catch feelings. That takes them to the heart. And by the time they get up to the eyes, they understand that they have absolutely NOTHING in common, and then the arguments and fighting ensue. And then it’s “curtains” for that relationship.
Another example is when people start at the heart and try to work their way around. They’re in love with the idea of being in love so they look for anything and anyone to call their own. They force themselves to believe that they have the head and eyes steps taken care of. But what they’re really doing is turning a blind eye to flaws JUST so they can have someone. This normally ends up with them proclaiming their love for one another within the first month or so. And then the genital area step comes about. This only worsens the effect of the HORRIBLE decision to put the heart step first. They claim that the love is strong just because the sex is good. But eventually, the lack of solid head and heart steps catch up with you. Arguments and fighting ensue, and the relationship usually ends unceremoniously.

I don’t want to close this without first acknowledging the fact that this theory has a small failure rate. In some cases, successful relationships (and even marriages) come about while going out of order with these steps. But let’s not get carried away. If you take the chance of going that route (especially trying to go Bottom-Up), it’s like playing the crap table in Vegas. Oh, you’ll win if you’re lucky, but the odds are stacked strongly against you.

So in closing, there are a few instances where successful relationships come about from using methods other than the “Top-Down Theory”. But this method is just about fail safe. If you want to protect yourself and build a strong solid foundation and have a good chance of being in a lasting and meaningful relationship, the “Top-Down Theory” is definitely the way to go.

Seeking a Co-Signer

Sometimes communication lines can be blurred in relationships. I’m speaking purely about romantic relationships at this point. Sometimes we men can’t find the right words to express the way we feel and the way we try to express it usually leads to, at the least, more confusion or at most, an argument and hurt feelings. So the whole point of this piece is to speak on behalf of men who are in serious relationships/marriages or are thinking about getting into a serious relationship/marriage.
When the question “What is it that you want from me?” is asked by the female of the twosome, normally two things happen depending on the volatility of the relationship: 1- he quickly jumps to the defensive and assumes that you’re attacking his motives for being in the relationship and answers with “I don’t want anything from you.” And 2) He’s so overwhelmed by the abruptness of the question and the amount of things that he actually does want, that he can’t answer that question completely.
From being around serious minded men who are seeking women to enter into long-term relationships, their desires from their ideal mate have ranged from being as simple as being a good friend to as absurd as being able to perform oral sex with the prowess of a street walker. I won’t judge either one of those prerequisites because people like what they like. But a good solid relationship can’t be based on either of those extremes. Good friendship won’t hold you close at night, and by the same token, good oral sex won’t help you when you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one.
So with that being said, there is a myriad of things that a man needs from a loving relationship. Most men at some stage of their lives would like to have the pin-up model type woman on his arm. Some men may desire a woman that knows her way around the kitchen. Some men, despite belief of the contrary, are attracted to and seek women who are in powerful positions (i.e. lawyers, CEO’s, and executives). These men realize that those type of women have to be in charge of everything 8-12 hours a day, and when they come home they’d much rather not have to call all the shots. Some men look for (and this is a very important quality) a woman whose life is based on her faith in GOD. While others seek a woman who he believes will be a great mother to his offspring. But most men seek all of those things in one, and somewhere between all that, maybe good friendship and oral sex fall into the equation.
But what a man NEEDS (note that I didn’t say wants) is simple: a co-signer. Any man who’s worth his salt will hit a wall in pursuit of his destiny. And the ways of dealing with the frustration of hitting that wall will vary from man to man, but the one constant that each of these men will need is a co-signer to get him back on track. A simple, “Baby it’ll be alright. I’m here with/for you regardless of what happens” is like giving superman a shot of steroids. Knowing that his woman has his back in any situation gives any man the confidence to conquer the world. When his closest friends and family won’t be there, as long as his woman co-signs, he’s good to go.
The most important tool that a woman must possess to be a co-signer, though, is a solid belief in something greater than herself. There is perhaps no stronger force than a prayerful wife. Through her righteousness, the co-signer can give her man a spiritual covering that will save him from several traps and even from destroying himself.
(Side note: There’s something to be said about having someone else pray for you. There’s an old story about two fishermen who are shipwrecked and they both end up on separate neighboring islands. One man prayed one prayer as soon as he got on his island and the other man prayed every day. The one that prayed every day got EVERYTHING he asked God for while the other man was there with nothing. So the man who got everything finally prayed for a ship to get him off the island. He got it and was headed away when God stopped him and asked why he wasn’t going to offer his comrade a ride. He said that the man’s faith was weak because he only prayed one time and apparently got nothing that he prayed for. And God replied and told him that the man had gotten everything that he asked for. The one time that he did pray, all he did was ask that his friend get everything that he prayed for.)
There are some cautions on being a co-signer, though. First and foremost, you can’t become one overnight. The right to even be a co-signer comes with serious time and serious trials. A man won’t believe any of your co-signing is genuine unless you have been through tribulations before TOGETHER. And most importantly, you can’t co-sign to EVERYTHING. Being a co-signer comes with responsibility. You cannot be afraid to find a tactful way to tell your man that he is wrong. It happens…often.
In conclusion, there is one thing that should be remembered about being a co-signer. No man will ever tell you this (well… I guess I’m about to), but there’s not a worse feeling in the world than feeling betrayed by his significant other/wife (which will be referred to as co-signer from this point on). The reason is because for us, it doesn’t seem natural to us to show weakness or to share our fears. The only person in the world that we can share that with is our co-signer. We share (sometimes, reluctantly) with her the things that we can’t even share with our CLOSEST friends/brothers/family members. So all the friendship, good looks, oral sex, professional clout, good motherly ways, etc. is just gravy. But the real meat & potatoes that will keep a relationship well-nourished is the co-signer.